i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ttyl tear gas
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
