operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
