Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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