I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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