I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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