Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
