How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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