I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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