come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
