i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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