My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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