**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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