Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
