I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
