he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i now understand why vodka
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
