went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
