I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
