Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
