I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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