Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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