it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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