Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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