as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
