She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
