in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize