i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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