If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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