whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
