Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.

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(626): View more from California

It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."

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(+61): View more from Australia

yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership

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