So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
