nut hugger
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize