im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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