it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
