I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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