Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
