Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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