I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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