ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
