but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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