We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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