suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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