Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
