The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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