i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
