every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
