my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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