I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
