Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
