she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's never too late to be topless.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
