Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
