That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
