I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
