he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
