Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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