I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
