I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
