i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
