help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
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