i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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