my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
