if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
