the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
