farters have to be the big spoon...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
