I can tuck mytits in my pants
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
