Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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