My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
