i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
