So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
