You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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