I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
