His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
