im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
