If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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