im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
