Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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