he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
