I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
