Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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