i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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