then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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