yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
