Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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